I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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