I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
