We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
