Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
