They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
