I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
