I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
