Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
