I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
