At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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