when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
