yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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