My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
