I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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