He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't deserve a penis
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
