I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
