I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
