She announced her abortion via fbk
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
