hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm at about main and main street
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
