Non-Jews are for practice
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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