K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
