I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
