he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
