DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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