I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
