I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
