i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
