woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
