Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
