I heard we made out
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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