I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
