this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
