Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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