they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
