Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
