Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your penis caused this!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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