Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
