how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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