mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize