At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your penis caused this!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
