Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
