Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
