i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
