Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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