Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sober January is a disaster.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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