Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
