i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
