Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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