I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
