Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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