He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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