Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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