Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
