Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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