im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
