I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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