i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
