the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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