if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
