Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
