I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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