How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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