i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
