Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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