I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
