Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
