ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
