Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
