Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
