I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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