Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize