He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
