i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
