so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
