help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I forget how to act sober
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
