Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize