Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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