You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize