I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
